Kamis, 28 Oktober 2010

im gone

well, dear. i wish you would read this post.
i'm so sorry for leave you with tears
and heart on pieces.
i know how it feels,
but, someday you'll know.
my decision, wasn't just my selfish.
i took this way cause i believe,
this is the best for both of us.
i know it hurts now.
but its better to hurt you now,
than hurt you someday when our road has been long.
when we already have children.
when your love to me can't say by the word anymore.
i dont want to make it worse,
so i set you free. i let you go.
and im gone.

please listen to me..

i don't want to have to see you happy.
i can't even bare to see you smile.
now-a-days i can't look in your eyes
well i can but it takes a while
does it show? told a lot of white lies to hide it all.
but they're beginning to break me down,
though i promise it's over now.

i tried my best to keep it all together.
tryna take it back to where we were.
never been to good at keeping secrets,
i'll give you reasons but for what it's worth
let me go..
what the hell would make you look at me the same?
used to say "we're unbrakeable."
but i just went & changed it all.

see if i told you,
could you live with that?

if i told you,

could you live with that?

if i told you,
i couldn't live with that!
noo, i'd rather give you no excuses at all.

you gave everything and honestly it's every fault of mine.
to beg you for forgiveness just seems wrong.
see, leaving you is one thing but you've got to realize:
some things are best unspoken so please don't ask me why

i'm gone.
i don't blame you at all.
'cause after all the of the things that you did for me got beaten by temptation
i'm gone.
girl you're better off alone.

i don't want you to see the truth in me.

that's why
i'm gone.
i'm gone,
i'm gone,

i'm gone.

Senin, 11 Oktober 2010

misguided ghost

i am going away for a while
but i'll be back, don't try and follow me
cause i'll return as soon as possible
see i'm trying to find my place
but it might not be here where i feel safe
we all learn to make mistakes

run from them,
from them
with no direction
we'll run from them,
from them
with no conviction

cause i'm just one of those ghosts
traveling endlessly
don't need no roads
in fact they follow me

well now i'm told that this is life
pain is just a simple compromise
so we can get what we want out of it
would someone care to classify,
of broken hearts and twisted minds
so i can find someone to rely on

run to them,
to them
full speed ahead
oh you are not useless
we are just
misguided ghosts
traveling endlessly
the ones we trusted the most
pushed us far away
and there's no one road
we should not be the same
but i'm just a ghost
and still they echo me

they echo me in circles and
we just go in circles

Sabtu, 09 Oktober 2010

beetato paperoni's day

hello pals!
oh god thankyou this is saturday. i woke up so late and missed my breakfast. rainy outside so i decided to stayed any longer on my blanket. my bed time's now already back to normal. byebye insomnia. im surely dont want to meet you again. you've made me overslept on the morning and missed my class. i dont know what i should say to my lecturer next week. argh!

as usual on saturday i clean up my messy room. i call it a room but it looks more like a cow stable in the weekday. i washed some clothes, put all of messy books on my desk, and was thinking to do all my homework. yes, its weekend but i should do my tasks. that sucks! but it was the risk to be a college student. i dunno what would happen if i were already took a master or doctor programs. everything must be harder! :o

after did my task about a half of page, i was gettin bored and went outside, searching for spirit. but i didn't find it, where's the spirit? where's it? -_-". after hours enjoy the morning breeze on backyard of my hostel, my friends from moluccas, Ran asked me to hang out with him. i was directly saying YES! i have no plans, and hang out with friend in saturday doenst sound so bad to a single guy like me. its good to me to take a walk right now,
i wish all of my problems would be left on every footstep.

after got some lunch on hostel, we went out. Ran invited one more of my friend, Alan, from nusa tenggara barat. we were walking with no direction until the wind brought us to mall ratu indah. first, we went to gramedia. i didnt bought any book, but alan did. i just bought some stuff like papers, markers, notebook and binder clips. i was trying to spend my money as best as i can cause i have spent almost a million rupiah and today still october 9th. i need to wait 21 more days to get my payday. ugh. i hope god will hear me and let me find millions dollar on the street. haha. what a dream!

from gramedia, we decided to have second lunch. im really skinny but my tummy is really big big wide! i dunno what happen to me so no matter how much i eat, it doesnt impacts anything to my weight. for second lunch we decided to have it in pizza hut. we ordered spaghetty with beef sauce, beetato papperoni, chicken favourite, and colas. that was great, morover we met one of our friend, ex-praja. he decided to out from ipdn when we were on 1st grade. we talked alot and have a good time :) after 2nd lunch, i was so full and couldnt walk properly. we went to some watch store and parfum corner and after that were directly going back to campus. i slept early, cause tomorrow on sunday, i should finished all of my tasks!

thats my saturday. not really good, but at least its better than i just stayed at hostel, doing nothing. so how was your saturday?
i wish u got a best one :)

Rabu, 06 Oktober 2010

ramble on the midnight


jam 1 waktu indonesia bagian tengah

saat ini saya lagi diatas bed, dengan selimut sampai pinggang, dan laptop diatas paha. ketiga roomates saya udah tidur, cuma saya aja yang masih melek. insomnia. heran ya, akhir-akhir ini saya agak merasa sedikit susah tidur, padahal biasanya saya bisa tidur dimana saja. suatu perubahan yang drastis dan fundamental. biasanya jam 10 malem aja mata saya biasanya udah gak tahan pengen tidur, padahal siangnya udah tidur sepuasnya. eh, sekarang tanpa tidur siangpun saya bisa bertahan hidup sampai lewat tengah malam begini.

khawatir juga sih kalo besok kuliah bawaannya jadi lemes, tapi mau gimana, dari jam 10 tadi udah tidur-tiduran, sampai sekarang nih mata belum bisa dinego buat nutup. tiring week sebenarnya udah mulai dari minggu ini. kuliah udah mulai kembali seperti normal. mata kuliah saya untuk semester ini ada 9 dan (percaya atau tidak) mata pelatihan juga ada 9. berarti jumlah subjek saya semuanya ada 18. masyaallah. ini membuat saya harus betah di kelas dari jam 8 pagi sampai 5 sore, dari hari senin sampai jumat. okai, tapi setidaknya masih ada sisi baiknya, sabtu minggu free class (kayanya semua univ juga gitu ya).

walopun kuliahnya bisa dibilang padat banget, so far saya enjoy-enjoy aja. mata kuliahnya lebih menarik dari semester lalu, dosennya juga. dosen-dosen sekarang pada masih muda semua, masih fresh, dan cakep-cakep. ga kaya semester lalu yang aki-aki nini-nini semua. bikin ngantuk aja *astajim, stop ngejek*. semester 5 ini full of quizz dan makalah, so far (lagi) i still take it as challenge not a burden.

dan berhubung besok kelas full dari pagi sampai sore, saya harus segera matiin ni laptop kalo nggak mau bener-bener lemes besok di kelas. kalo dibiarin terus-terusan bisa melek sampai pagi ini. yaudah, saya mau coba tidur dulu, gimanapun caranya. nyoba itung-itung domba ah, sampe teler.

gentayangan tengah malam

Minggu, 03 Oktober 2010

sunday sunday sunday

hello pals!


happy sunday.
sunny sunday here.
i dont get why is makassar still hot,
meanwhile on all of place are rainy.
how was your day? i wish a best one for you

minggu ini adalah minggu terakhir berleha-leha,
besok udah senin, berarti kembali ke dunia fana.
kemarin itu saya udah sempat bernafas lega sih,
sempat berpikir kalo kuliah semester 5 ini matkulnya bakalan berkurang.
namanya juga udah nindya praja kan, tingkat 3,
jadi menurut pikiran saya, kuliah pasti bakalan makin menjurus dan pastinya makin sedikit.
saya hepi banget pas liat papan jadwal ternyata mata kuliah untuk semester ini cuma 9 mata kuliah. berarti gak akan ada lagi kelas sore dari jam 2 sampai jam 5 yang bikin tepar itu.

dan kemarin, berita duka citanya datang. di papan jadwal udah ada jadwal pelatihan tambahan. ada 9 mata pelatihan.
berarti rencana tidur siang yang saya damba-dambakan buyar hilang tersapu badai.
heran deh, kenapa pelatihan aja ampe 9 sih. mana banyak mata pelatihannya yang gak jelas. contoh: pelatihan pramuka. waktu pelatihan ini hari jumat saya malah disuruh tepuk pramuka, prok prok prok. geje banget. selanjutnya, manejemen disaster. padahal udah pernah ada pelatihannya semester lalu. cuma namanya aja yang diganti dari 'manejemen bencana' jadi 'manajemen disaster' diinggrisin dikit, biar lebih keren. lebih geje lagi.

daripada ngomongin kuliah yang makin geje. mending ngomongin saya yah. hehe.
akhir-akhir ini saya punya hobi baru. ngedesain header sama templete blog.
gak tau juga awalnya darimana sih, tau tau udah jadi aja nih templete-templetenya.
saya jadi kepikiran buat buka bisnis di bidang templete nih, terinspirasi beberapa templete maker. walo saya belum terlalu mahir, ya nggak ada salahnya dong ya bikin rencana dulu.
so far, saya berhasil membuat 7 templete,
so, yuk check it out:

i love the green one. thats why i use it for my current templete.
so which one do you like?
untuk sementara templete-templete ini belum dijual dulu.
malu mah, baru bisa malah langsung buka toko.
hehe, tungguin banyak dulu ntar baru saya bikin blog baru khusus buat templete-templete ini.


rencananya hari ini saya mau jalan, tapi berhubung panas lagi gahar-gaharnya,
ya gak jadi. rencana-nya jadi banting stir ke 'bersih-bersih'. mau beres-beres kamar dulu biar barang-barang yang ilang gak tau rimbanya pada ketemu. abis itu baru tidur siang, tidur siang terakhir semester ini sebelum melalui minggu-minggu panjang yang melelahkan. oh goosh.
biar deh sampe karatan nih di nih asrama :)

well, have a nice weekend all.
prepare yourself to face monday monsters tomorrow.


Jumat, 01 Oktober 2010

a sinner note

suatu hari saat usia saya 17 atau 18 saya pernah lancang bertanya pada Tuhan.
apakah pendosa abadi seperti saya ini berhak mendapatkan keajaiban.
saya bertanya dengan kedua tangan menutup muka.
jangan sampai Ia sampai tau siapa saya.

dia tidak menjawab, dia diam saja.
tapi kediaman itu menjawab semuanya.
sekarang, entah berapa lama sejak kejadian itu,
saya malu untuk bertanya lagi.

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