how are you pals? sorry for this quite long update.
*im not sure anyones watching my blog right now*
sorry for such hazy post lately,
im not in good condition. i tried to steps up, but yeah. everything seems push me to the edge. im totally tired and need a break or may be an end. it seems like i've lost all of motivation to live.
this feeling's increasingly hard to tell.
i go to sleep at the night and wishing i wont wake up anymore in morning and every morning i wake up with same bad feeling and say "omg, why am i still alive?" i go to class with no moods thought next week the mid-test will be held. i've touched no books, i've read no notes, and i think i've left my real life. im mostly sit up on my windows with coffe and guitar, coil up on my bed with ear phone in my ears, or on bathroom with packs of cigarettes. my bed time's moving. i sleep all the day and up all night. oh shit, what happen to me? god, dont you know this feeling lurk on my heart and consume me day by day? please take this feeling away. how can you be so callous to me!
i try so much to avoid knife and rope. the desire to end all of this easily comes everytime. im afraid if i would take permanent solution for all of temporary problems. yeah, my friend told me that every problems are just temporary. i hope he was true, tough im not so sure.
i give up on my life. now for me live just like waiting for the death. i wont hope anymore. cause i know hoping would leave nothing but pain. i wont believe god take so much care anymore. he never listen or at least try to listen to me. i wont do anything!
please anyone help me to find an escape from this condition. im sick of all this shit.